Tender Gets Intergenerational with Camden

This past week, Tender sent facilitators to participate in Camden’s Intergenerational Week. We asked our younger participants to write letters to their future selves, and our more mature participants to write letters to their younger selves.

The letters were to offer advice about relationships and we got some incredible responses! We wanted to share some wonderful excerpts:
‘Through the ages, and the pages, through the years, and the tears, through the sleeping, and the waking, through the leaving, and the waiting, through the love, and the hate, and every single mistake,

Don’t lock yourself up

Or shut yourself in

Don’t bottle it up

or keep it in

Know that there are those who love you and those who you love too

Don’t distance yourself

But make sure they know

That you still have hope. ‘

‘Calm down! About everything!!!’

‘Listen. Listen to others. Listen to yourself more importantly because you know and you alone have the answer. Lastly, wait. They say good things come to those who wait and it will come.’

‘Do not judge by good looks and a charming manner; looks and charm are fleeting. Look for a kind hear and someone who cares. If he should be handsome as well, that’s a bonus. Stop day dreaming and look a the world as it really is. Nevertheless hang on to some dreams.’
‘When joining a relationship, I would advise you to have a friendship built on trust and support. Relationships come in all sorts of ways in life, so make sure you don’t keep high expectations as it may lead to troubles in life.’

‘I would make sure that I trust the person and that we would always have fun together. We would understand each other’s problems and support each other through tough times. I would make myself confess any lies straight away as keeping anything to myself would make things worse.’

‘There is only one thing I learnt about friendships is that to not quickly make someone your ‘best’ friend. I have also learnt that you should learn to know that person first before you create a relationship. Another piece of advice is that you should always help your friends even if there is a disagreement, you should always be there because you will start to regret things. Coming from me you should be honest and never take sides.’
‘You must take risks-the heart can be broken many times- so don’t be so fearful. Get out here and love until you find someone that really loves you back.’

‘Be more positive with life when friendships end and you must move on. And to take advice when offered from family and work mates and trust your heart and thoughts.’

‘My dear lover, I would like to meet you with you and make a date to go out with you! We could meet for a lovely candlelit dinner somewhere where it’s quiet, and get to know each other. Or just meet for drinks, entirely up to you…whatever you decide just let me know, what you decide, will be waiting to hear from you.’

‘My dear daughter, Now, I know you will think you don’t need advice from me. After all I can hear you say What do I know about love? What I know about love is that it does not last. Now don’t get me wrong. Love as you first experience it is great but from the long term it is affection and caring that lasts…Always remember your happiness is all that concerns us and if he is the one we will welcome him and give you both our blessing’

‘Whatever happens remember that your friends and family are always there for you. Please keep in touch don’t be on your own.’

‘When you fall in love, don’t expect the person you love to be everything to you. You will have some things in common- maybe love the same films, love motorbikes- whatever- but there will be things you don’t both enjoy. And that is okay. Don’t neglect your friends when you are in love. They will be hurt if you do, and you may need them when it is over, if it doesn’t last. Love, emotions and relationships can take up an awful lot of time, especially if it all get complicated. Make sure that you make time for other interests, passions- art, studying, work, etc. Don’t put up with abuse, selfishness or dishonesty in your relationships. Be clear, be firm about what will and will not tolerate or forgive and stick to it.’

‘Look for a person who is caring. Someone who always cares about you and sticks up for you- especially if you are being bullied. Choose someone who has the same personality as you- always happy, sometimes giggly. If you love someone- always love them. Hug them and kiss them on the lips. If it doesn’t work out don’t worry you will find someone else who will love you again.’

‘Make sure you were as generous as you could be, with time, with focus, with words, with encouragement. Make sure you used every opportunity to show love, and create opportunities too! Actions are not enough, use words. Words also aren’t enough by themselves- commit to actions that prove these words. Love isn’t just a feeling, it’s not selfish. Love needs discipline, diaries and sacrifice, especially at the times you don’t feel like it. Love is a choice. Make sure you choose it every day… Love requires vulnerability and courage, so be brave and choose love every day.’

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