October 2023 will mark 20 years since Tender was founded and registered as a charity. Those 20 years have seen exciting and significant growth within Tender as an organisation, and in society’s understanding of domestic and gendered violence. However, there is still so much further to go.

We chat to Tender CEO, Susie McDonald, to find out more about Tender’s early years and her exciting vision for its future.

How did Tender begin?

Tender was set up by my good friend Tamsin Larby. While working on productions of the Vagina Monologues, a play by Eve Ensler, Tamsin realised how the play and theatre more generally could motivate and inspire people to end violence and abuse.

She subsequently sought to set up a charity that would work creatively with young people to engage them in the prevention of abuse and the promotion of healthy, equal relationships. In 2003, Tender was born.

Thanks to our five pilot schools, our healthy relationships programmes began in 2004.

What drew you to get involved?

I came on board right at the beginning.

I’d been working as a consultant on a variety of programmes in different settings to enact positive social change. However, during projects relating to sexual violence and abuse, I encountered significant barriers to raising awareness and educating people on support and prevention.

With a background in theatre and outreach, I’d seen first-hand how drama techniques could be used as an effective mechanism to engage people of all ages with more difficult topics. It becomes experiential; techniques as simple as roleplays can reach children and young people in ways traditional lessons can’t.

Having collaborated with Tamsin on many occasions, I knew we shared this vision and could develop projects and programmes that captured this cohesion between creativity and the prevention of abuse. From the very start, it’s been magic to watch this in action.

How did you become CEO?

When Tamsin decided to step down in 2008, we tried some new directors but no one was the right fit and I could see Tender was starting to fall apart.

As a mother of three young daughters, I didn’t think I had the time to take on the role myself. I decided that if I was going to step up, I was going to embed a new, flexible culture, where parents can pick their kids up from school, or ensure they have time for any commitments they have outside of Tender. The aim was that everyone can lead healthy, happy lives in- and outside of work. This remains a key part of the charity today.

What would you say have been the key milestones over the years?

In 2010, we began finding new ways to reach more children and young people. With new staff and expertise, we developed a social franchise model whereby we train other organisations to deliver our  healthy relationship programme. We also expanded into different regions of the UK, with permanent staff both delivering and coordinating projects in the area.

Another key development has been our whole school approach, where we work with schools over a longer period of time to embed healthy attitudes and behaviours throughout – achieving real culture change. At first, we struggled to get schools on board but recent progress with safeguarding from Ofsted and the government has helped us drive this forward. Our RE:SET programme, the latest iteration of our whole school approach, is flourishing and will soon expand to more than 100 London schools.

Arts and theatre remain at the heart of what we do, and we’ve developed several films and animations over the years that have brought me real pride. We invest significant time and resource: Tamsin often returns to coproduce our productions with young people to ensure they represent and respect the realities of young people’s lives. The impact they’ve had among children, adults and young people across the country has been brilliant.

Can you expand on Tender’s unique art-based approach?

Relationships and abuse are always tricky topics, especially with children and young people – but there are safe and effective ways to explore them.

Our approach is playful and respectful; through games, characters and storytelling, we explore healthy attitudes and behaviours, and practice positive ways to navigate difficult situations. We don’t impress a hierarchy; each project starts with a circle of chairs and facilitators are highly skilled in responding to the specific young people in the room and adapting along the way.

Amongst all ages, characters enable people to think differently, to challenge and explore new behaviours in a safe environment. I’ve seen young boys with quite misogynist attitudes become passionate about women’s rights by the end of a two-day workshop. The change is tangible.

Violence against women and girls remains present in our society. What are your hopes for the future?

Tender is all about prevention – and pushing this up the agenda. Responding to abuse is important – but preventing it happening in the first place needs to be a much greater priority. Violence is always a choice, and we need to prevent people from making this choice.

So often, governments like quick wins – but prevention is a long term endeavour; it takes time, resource and commitment. Relationships, Sex and Health Education (RSHE) presents an incredible opportunity to instil respect and equality in the next generation – but so far teachers haven’t had the time or training to deliver effectively. We often see teachers trying to open debate – but some things are not debatable. Consent is not a debate. Instead, young people need the skills to communicate consent, negotiate situations where they don’t want to participate, and know how to ensure consent is given.

If the government is sincere in its goals to end violence against women and girls, it needs to dedicate the funds, training and resources to ensure all schools deliver effective RSHE.

What are you most proud of over the past twenty years?

There have been so many moments when I see a workshop or speak to a young person and I think – wow, we’re really making a difference. When our whole team comes together to discuss the breadth and the reach of our work – it’s a special moment. The passion our staff have for Tender, their drive to impact real change – it makes it a truly joyful place to be.