‘Reasons to be cheerful’: A message from Tender CEO Susie McDonald MBE

‘In the instant they had a decision to make, both chose to respond with kindness.’

On my way to work a few days ago, I noticed a young man waiting at a bus stop, eyes glued to his phone. A few steps away, an older man strolled along the pavement with his dog, a tiny terrier trotting proudly ahead on a long, retractable leash. The young man, still lost in his screen, stepped forward, tangled his feet in the leash, and pulled the dog off balance. As I watched the scene unfold, I was certain I was about to witness a very ugly incident between the two men.

As the designated safeguarding lead at Tender, I am acutely aware that bad things happen – I’ve become hyper-vigilant to what might go wrong. When I witnessed this incident, I instantly expected the dog owner to say, ‘Get off your phone and watch where you’re going!’, or the young man to shout, ‘What the bloody hell, watch your dog!’.

Instead, I was surprised to hear both of them say, ‘Sorry!’ I watched as the men shared a sweet moment bonding over the dog, who quickly recovered and was happily petted by them. The tension dissolved. Moments later, they wished each other a good day, and the older man and his dog continued their walk down the street. In the instant they had a decision to make, both chose to respond with kindness.

In the current climate, where we seem to be angry all the time and everyone appears to have a strong opinion about everything, I expect people to have a short fuse and feel entitled to lash out or tell others how they should behave. We can be in danger of walking around on high alert, so it’s refreshing to see how human beings can simply be nice to one another.

Have we lowered our expectations of boys and men, assuming they will generally behave badly? If so, we have to shift that. We need to expect that they will do great things. Otherwise, why would they bother to be any different? There are so many barriers for them to try to be the best versions of themselves – many won’t even have the opportunity to try. It is our responsibility as adults to equip young men with the right tools to meet positive expectations; to be the best versions of themselves.

This ‘dog-gate’ incident was a helpful reminder of why we are so optimistic at Tender. Our work is to show young people that when they are faced with a situation, they can choose to respond in a positive way, being accountable and taking responsibility. We see young people being able to form happy, healthy relationships and feel so much joy in them.

It’s funny how the smallest moments can remind us that good things exist. I’m going to keep adding to that list of reasons to be cheerful (thank you Ian Dury!)